One thing that affair victims find most challenging about healing after an affair is learning how to control their feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Jealousy is an ugly feeling – especially when you as the cheated on spouse feel like you don’t have any control over it. But in order to move ahead with saving your marriage, you need to get a handle on your jealous feelings.
Jealousy has its place in marriage but it should not be in the forefront and rule your world. Jealousy is a basic human emotion – it’s your response to what you feel is a threat to your relationship. This is what is known as good jealousy. However, bad jealousy or jealousy without cause is what you want to control before it causes more problems in your marriage.
Here’s what you can do to better manage your bad jealousy.
Get control of yourself
When your feelings of jealousy crop up (whether it is justifiable or not), physically stop, shake it off and get control of yourself. Before your jealous feelings become intense, you need to make a conscious decision not to act on those feelings in an unrestrained and inappropriate way.
Let your spouse know what you are feeling
Another thing you can do is to talk to your spouse about what you are feeling. Let him know every time you have those jealous feelings, pour your heart out, cry if you have to. But whatever you do, resist the urge to throw around wild accusations or place blame on your spouse. Include specific facts about the situation that caused you to feel jealous. When you don’t blow up into a jealous rage, your spouse is more likely to respond in a caring manner to your pain.
So as you struggle with your jealous feelings, do remember how your spouse may take it if you lay it on too thick. Don’t over react or you will push your spouse away and jeopardize your chances for rebuilding your marriage. Learning to control and eventually overcome your jealousy is unfortunately part of healing after an affair. It is definitely a work in progress and will take time and effort to work through. But if you and your spouse are committed to saving your marriage, then all the pain will be worth it in the end.